a mile in every shoe

The Neverending Story

2012-02-15T08:30:00.003+08:00

A little over four years, how time flies and yet, no time has passed at all.

Speaking of time, an lengthy excerpt from a book, shedding light on why I'm deciding to reopen my blog and my writing:

---

Einstein's Dreams by Alan Lightman

A glance along the crowded booths on Spitalgasse tells the story. The shoppers walk hesitantly from one stall to the next, discovering what each shop sells. Here is tobacco, but where is mustard seed? Here are sugar beets, but where is cod? Here is goat's milk, but where is sassafras? These are not tourists in Berne on their first visit. These are the citizens of Berne. Not a man can remember that two days back he bought chocolate at a shop named Ferdinand's, at no. 17, or beef at the Hof delicatessen, at no. 36. Each shop and its specialty must be found anew. Many walk with maps, directing the map-holders from one arcade to the next in the city they have lived in all their lives, in the street they have travelled for years. Many walk with notebooks, to record what they have learned while it is briefly in their heads. For in this world, people have no memories.

When it is time to return home at the end of the day, each person consults his address book to learn where he lives. The butcher, who has made some unattractive cuts in his one day of butchery, discovers that his home is no. 29 Nageligasse. The stockbroker, whose short-term memory of the market has produced some excellent investments, reads that he now lives at no. 89 Bundegasse. Arriving home, each man finds a woman and children waiting at the door; introduces himself, helps with the evening meal, reads stories to his children. Likewise, each woman returning home from her job meets a husband, children, sofas, lamps, wallpaper; china patterns. Late at night, the wife and husband do not linger at the table to discuss the day's activities, their children's school, the bank account. Instead, they smile at one another, feel the warming blood, the ache between the legs as when they met the first time fifteen years ago. They find their bedroom, stumble past family photographs they do not recognize, and pass the night in lust. For it is only habit and memory that dulls the physical passion. Without memory, each night is the first night, each morning is the first morning, each kiss and touch are the first.

A world without memory is a world of the present. The past exists only in books, in documents. In order to know himself, each person carries his own Book of Life, which is filled with the history of his life. By reading its pages daily, he can relearn the identity of his parents, whether he was born high or born low, whether he did well or did poorly in school, whether he has accomplished anything in his life. Without his Book of Life, a person is a snapshot, a two-dimensional image, a ghost. In the leafy cafes on the Brunngasshade, one hears anguished shrieking from a man who just read that he once killed another man, sighs from a woman who just discovered she was courted by a prince, sudden boasting from a woman who has learned that she received top honors from her university ten years prior. Some pass the twilight hours at their tables reading from their Books of Life; others frantically fill its extra pages with the day's events.

With time, each person's Book of Life thickens until it cannot be read in its entirety. Then comes a choice. Elderly men and women may read the early pages, to know themselves as youths; or they may read the end, to know themselves in later years.

Some have stopped reading altogether. They have abandoned the past. They have decided that it matters not if yesterday they were rich or poor, educated or ignorant, proud or humble, in love or empty-hearted -- no more than it matters how a soft wind gets into their hair. Such people look you directly in the eye and grip your hand firmly. Such people walk with the limber stride of their youth. Such people have learned how to live in a world without memory.

Four days worth of top ten

2007-12-09T10:32:00.000+08:00

It's been hard to get online in the past few days. We watched "The Golden Compass" last Thursday. I grilled barbeque, pork chops, and fish for friends last friday, and I was pooped out last night.

I said "Top Ten" for each day of December -- and I mean to keep my promise.

December 6: TOP TEN NEW PLACES DISCOVERED / VISITED
(in no particular order):

1) Library @ Esplanade
2) The Taj Mahal
3) India - Kolkata, Mumbai, Delhi
4) Starbucks, United Square
5) Chatuchak Market, Bangkok, Thailand
6) St. Ignatius Parish, Singapore
7) Gold Class, GV Cinema, Vivo City
8) Lands of 'Name of the Wind'
9) Lands of 'Wheel of Time'
10) Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia (by mid-December)

December 7: TOP TEN KOPITIAM / FOOD COURT 'Comfort Food'
(in no particular order):

1) Tempura Don
2) Tonkatsu Don
3) Bento Box B - Teriyaki Chicken, Tempura
4) Szechuan spicy chicken with rice
5) Korean Beef with rice
6) Deep fried chicken in thai sauce, with rice
7) Grilled chicken leg with vegetables
8) Singaporean Chicken Rice
9) Beef tapa with rice
10) Mixed food plate (1 Veg + 2 Meat) with rice

December 8: TOP TEN CHRISTMAS WISHLIST
(in no particular order):

Things to hold in my hand:
1) A Canon Digital SLR
2) 1 year's subscription to The Economist
3) Portable writing journal/notebook
4) "World Cuisine" cookbook
5) A new pair of shoes
6) Personalized, professional, ballpoint pen
Things to hold in my heart:
7) The chance to meet the love of my life
8) Rekindling old friendships
9) A new beginning
10) The gift of communication

December 9: TOP TEN ARTICLES FROM 'THE ECONOMIST'
(in no particular order):

1) America's housing market: cracks in the facade - link
2) The president and congress: the war comes to washington - link
3) Nicolas Sarkozy's victory: the gaullist revolutionary - link
4) Elections in south-east asia: voting for more of the same - link
5) Apple: the third act - link
6) Myanmar: the saffron revolution - link
7) Lexington: can Hillary be stopped? - link
8) Report on business & climate change: irrational incandescence - link
9) Report on religion & public life: In God's Name - link
10) New York's schools: the great experiment - link

TOP TEN: Emotional (Verbal) Expressions

2007-12-05T21:45:00.000+08:00

December 5: TOP TEN EMOTIONAL (VERBAL) EXPRESSIONS
(in no particular order, because of a work report I have to finish...):

1) What!?!?!
2) Crap.
3) Hulloh.
4) NO.
5) What's the objective?
6) Really???
7) *sigh*... *loudly*
8) How are you (other person says)... I say "Good."
9) How are you (version #2)... I say "Fine."
10) *bangs one first on table, raises both hands in air* and hisses "yessss."

TOP TEN: Things I'd save from my room if it were on fire

2007-12-04T19:12:00.000+08:00

December 4: TOP TEN THINGS I'D SAVE FROM MY ROOM, IN A FIRE
(in no particular order, because there's this book I want to go back to...):

1) Macbook
2) ASLA single-pouch messenger bag
3) Palm PDA
4) Drawer full of personal letters/correspondence
5) Wallet (and its contents)
6) 300GB External Hard Drive
7) Adidas deep blue jacket
8) Digital Camera
9) iPod
10) Mobile phone

I guess I've always felt I can recreate most of my life, with the right tools and equipment. Pictures can be reprinted. Books bought again. Ikea furniture repurchased. But the tools that help me cope with life and keep connected with a world outside myself -- these I save first. Most of what is truly personal is compact enough to be in that cabinet drawer I mentioned in #4.

TOP TEN: Books/'stuff' I read in 2007

2007-12-03T23:34:00.000+08:00

December 3: TOP TEN BOOKS/'STUFF' I READ:
(in no particular order, because I'm too tired...):

1) Name of the Wind (Fiction) - link
2) The Essential Asian Cookbook (Non-Fiction)
3) Time Traveller's Wife (Fiction) - link
4) The Economist Style Guide (Non-Fiction) - link
5) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Fiction)
6) The End of Poverty (Non-Fiction) - link
7) Sandman Volume 6: Fables & Reflections (Fiction) - link
8) The Dip (Non-Fiction) - link
9) The Wheel of Time (Fiction) - link
10) American Gods (Fiction) - link

TOP TEN: Consumer Products

2007-12-02T22:32:00.000+08:00

Because I work in the consumer products industry, this 'top ten' felt easy to make on a sunday night...

December 2: TOP TEN CONSUMER PRODUCTS I USE
(in order of "greatest impact to my life"):

1) Head & Shoulders Shampoo
>> It works for me and my issues. That is all I'm gonna say.
2) Olay Total Effects Facial Moisturizer
>> Aside from being a brand close to my heart, I really like the soft, bouncy feeling it leaves on my skin
3) Gatsby Styling Wax for the Hair
>> Even if it enhances the wavi-ness of my hair, at least it keeps it the way I made it in the morning
4) Joy dish washing Liquid
>> The 'top ten' things I cooked would never happen without this little kitchen helper
5) Gillette Fusion Shaver
>> Before this came, I always hated "shaving time" because it was so inefficient and slow.
6) Pepsi Max
>> Jake introduced me to this. He now regrets doing so (let's just say his Pepsi Max mysteriously disappears).
7) SuperGlue
>> I've saved more than a couple of products from an "early death" with this
8) Olive Oil (for cooking)
>> Some say it's healthier than normal cooking oil. So far, I haven't died yet.
9) Heinz Tomato Ketchup
>> It belongs to #9 because its hard to creat "impact" with a product I've been using since I was five years old
10) Bulgari Extreme Cologne
>> First cologne I actually repeated the use because I liked the smell

Launch of the 'December Top Ten'

2007-12-01T20:38:00.000+08:00

It's that last month of the year. When thinking of "the end" naturally comes to anyone, and "new beginnings" to a lucky few. These next few weeks mark celebrations for me and my friends, my family. A time when remembering is a virtue.

In the spirit of remembering (and of course, in trying to be more diligent on blog posts), I am launching the "Top-Ten Daily Blog Posts." Each day of December, I will post a non-consequential, irrelevant, irreverent (to an extent), witty (i hope so), and personal (it's my life!) list of "Top Ten's" of my year.

Maybe you'll learn something about me from my lists. Maybe I'll learn something about myself. But great scott -- I do hope we'll all laugh and smile about it.

December 1: TOP TEN DISHES I COOKED or BAKED
(in order of my favorite to EAT):

1) Sweet-style Filipino Spaghetti
>> Literally no one who has tasted this has EVER eaten only one serving.
2) Vegetable and Shrimp Tempura
>> If I can't make my own sushi, I'll settle for tempura
3) Pork Giniling (Ground Pork) in Tomato sauce
>> It baffles me how can little pieces of meat be soo sinful?
4) Sweet & Sour Pork
5) Inihaw na Bangus
>> There has to be a grilled dish somewhere in the top ten
6) Thai Green Curry Chicken
>> Why settle for restaurant-style, when I can cook it in my kitchen?
7) Chinese Chop suey
>> A lot more vegetables, a little less fatty meat
8) Cookies!
>> Life has improved ever since I discovered my microwave can bake
9) Filipino Kare-Kare (Oxtail & vegetable curry)
>> For a taste of a sophisticated filipino dish
10) Indian Vegetarian Samosas
>> It is such an interesting conversation piece when I mention I made them from scratch.

Christmas time is upon us

2007-11-13T00:12:00.000+08:00

In my culture, I'm actually already a month and a half late. Christmas cheer would have been strong and alive in my old neighborhood by mid October.

But here, in a land miles away from family and many friends... me and my flatmates had our annual "put up the Christmas tree and ornaments."

"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so?

It came without ribbons. It came without tags.
It came without packages, boxes or bags.

And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.

What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more."

-- Dr. Seuss

Attack of the nostalgic memories

2007-11-05T12:39:00.000+08:00

I was reading a recently bought fantasy book series -- The Wheel of Time -- when I suddenly got hit by a wave of childhood memories. The book didn't do it. The page I was reading was about the protagonist being chased by 'minions of the Dark One' etc, etc. But surprisingly, I just started to think about home and life at the age of seven.

I can't recall the last time I thought that much about my childhood.

Until I was in mid-teens, I grew up in a 'barangay' -- a place which isn't a secluded subdivision or something with a homeowners association (think Desperate Housewives). It was a place where kids played on the street, where every other street light was broken, and where at night every five houses had a sari-sari (HFS) store.

I remember the two-floor apartment I grew up in, with my parents and my two siblings. How we all shared one room. Also, that we had sublet the next room for a few years to young adults who were working (our barangay was very close to the main business district).

I remember getting chicken pox / measles, and how I was bedridden for a month. That's when I bonded with my Gameboy console.

A policeman and his family occupied the apartment next to us. I remember being scared of him. It didn't help that he kept two large black dogs as pets - larger than I was at 7 years old. They always barked at me from their cage.

I had a crush on the girl two apartments down. It didn't matter that she was 3 years older than me. I always tried to visit their house on the pre-text of playing games with her younger brother (who was the same age as me). I grew out of the crush many years later.

The farthest apartment on our row belonged to an old grandfather and his wife. I was scared of them the most. I think I never once visited their apartment.

I always frequented the small local parish church at the corner of our street. With its untended garden, quiet afternoons, and old pews. 'Sunday' mass was always celebrated as a saturday evening anticipated mass.

There was this huge bakery 2 street corners away. It was always worth it to walk there every afternoon to buy a 'pan de sal' (spanish bread) or egg pie (soft cream pie made out of milk+eggs) for afternoon snack. It helped that across the street was a mega sari-sari (HFS) store that stocked all kinds of snacks and sweets.

On the next street parallel to ours was a government-run public elementary school. There was this small 'school supplies' shop beside it that I frequented at late nights when I needed to buy something for school the next day. Cartolina. Manila papers. Marker pens. Bond papers. Coloring materials.

Five streets away was this video rental store -- back when Betamax was still the norm. I remember borrowing a Betamax tape of 'An American Tail,' and having to buy a new copy for the storeowner four months later. Apparently, I broke the tape by watching it many, many, many times over.

Our street wasn't flat -- it was a 300meter stretch on a slanted uphill slope. Our apartment was at the bottom. At the top was this huge overgrowth of gumamela flowers. They were the only flowers I saw on our street.

I grew up on Sampaguita street since I was two years old. We moved when I was fifteen.

Interrupting our regularly scheduled debate... for a "fun fact"

2007-10-20T22:12:00.000+08:00

I wanted to keep the debate post up for a few days... to let visitors leave their thoughts. But urgent news has just come in, and I must bear them out to all those who visit my blog.

JK Rowling has just admitted, in an auditorium full of children in New York, that her created character Albus Dumbledore is gay (homosexual, not they happy/jolly 'gay').

Check out the BBC News Link:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/7053982.stm

If you want to leave a comment about this, instead of the debate. Feel obliged. :)

Fantasy/Science Fiction: creative 'escapism' or insightful 'literature'

2007-10-19T01:31:00.000+08:00

Reading the blog of a favorite author of mine (a fantasy writer), I came upon this question.

It reminded me of one of my stronger preferences in reading. Many books on my shelf that are fully read are works by Gaiman, Rothfuss, Adams, Rowling, Snicket (Handler), Tolkien, and Card, among others. Some half-read books remain -- two physics books by Stephen Hawking, a handful of economist and development books, politics & current affairs, plus a couple of G.G.Marquez's.

It is a preference I have not seen many others around me share. And something I have not questioned often, if at all. But being interested in argument and debate, it has merit to be discussed. To not just take an opinion of, but to know what drives that opinion.

I submit then this question for debate -- are works of fantasy or science fiction mostly creative 'escapism', or do they represent part of our history's insightful 'literature'?

To give examples of these works - not limited to written form -- turn to popular culture... the Star Trek or Star Wars series, Harry Potter, tv shows like 'Battlestar Galactica' or 'Babylon 5', the Lord of the Rings, hundreds of paperback novels with illustrations of non-human facial features on the cover, comics / graphic novels, Spiderman, Batman, Superman... ad infinitum.

The argument is not that these works do not have intrinsic value. I think most of us agree they have value. For entertainment, definitely. For some immediate emotional release - humour maybe, or tension-release. Hardly anyone would argue that the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy was not enjoyable.

Enjoyment aside, the question is... do these works add enlightenment and improve the human condition, like many generously praised mainstream literary works do?

I invite anyone who reads this to post a few thoughts by replying to this post.

An opinion, strung from a few phrases, would be generous. An insight into what my friends, or even complete strangers think, is mostly my gain.

I would share my own opinion in my next post.
Your thoughts, Messrs and Mses?

P.S. Procrastinator's Hour, Day#3 spent on 3 1/2 chapters of "The Island of the Day Before"

Productivity

2007-10-18T00:29:00.000+08:00

Procrastinator's Hour, Day 2.
Four and a half chapters of an unfinished book -- The Island of the Day Before.

The procrastinator's hour

2007-10-16T22:45:00.000+08:00

One of the greatest burdens I've carried is a seemingly natural tendency to procrastinate. It's my addiction -- my alcohol, my cocaine, my vice. I either find it extremely hard to admit, hence fooling myself that I'm productive, or extremely easy to dismiss, hence not understanding how it rots inside of me.

Of the many books I own and bought, over half have not been read through.
A few that have, I haven't finished beyond chapter 5.

I love cooking new dishes on weekends. Always a new asian dish every time. However, frozen left-overs litter my fridge, all the way from 3 weeks ago.

I've become interested in starting half a dozen hobbies in the past 3 months alone - guitar playing, amateur photography, blogging, updating my "net 2.0" accounts. I've got the guitar, the camera, the blog, and a reliable internet connection. The strength to see it through? Oops. Forgot that.

Not to mention what happens at work.

It is easy to get caught up 'seemingly busy', with a life full of distractions and to do's. The art of choosing and following through is never taught in the classroom. Frost is lucky he chose a road at all, well traveled or not. My sin is being stuck at the crossings.

It takes an equally insane idea to remedy and equally tough habit. I am starting a 'Procrastinator's Hour' -- 10:00pm to 11:00pm every night. The rule: I am obligated to do something during this hour that I have put off in the past. Begin a book. Finish a book. Practice the guitar. Do that exercise I skipped in the morning. Anything I had previously said I had no time to do.

DAY#1 (Today): Begin blogging again.

Awesome picture #1

2007-10-12T00:31:00.000+08:00

I've been procrastinating for a while now on blogging. But I'll probably be up and running again by the weekend.

For now, I'd like to introduce a new type of post -- the "AWESOME" picture blog post. Any picture I think is uber unique and just tugs at my heart and makes me love this life just so much more -- I will label as the "AWESOME" picture of the week, and put it up here.

So, for AWESOME PICTURE #1... a sad panda.

Back after a 2 week junket

2007-09-30T02:08:00.000+08:00

Just wanted to break the silence once more.

I've been away for a little over 2 weeks now, burning the midnight oil in faraway lands. And I couldn't really afford the time to put up blog posts while traveling.

Just arrived back home last night. Everything seems to be returning to normal. Which means some blog posts in the next few days. :)

Retrospective Post #1: The grouches will pull you down

2007-09-16T02:49:00.000+08:00

*I found this document somewhere in my archived folders. I didn't write it, but I recall copying it down or being given a copy of it almost... more than 5 years ago. I found it meaningful then, and still do now. Even though it is *not* my writing... do enjoy listening to the music of these words.*

N.B. Retrospective posts are about 'written stuff' I've created or gathered well before this blog. Perhaps by looking into the past, we can glimpse why I am here today.

============================

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine. I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back. From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible. How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word "refrigeration" mean nothing to you?

How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Jeopardy' on television? I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, "How about going to lunch in a half hour?" She would gasp and stammer, "I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain." And my personal favorite: "It's Monday." She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together. Because people cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!

We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Stevie toilet-trained. We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet.
We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I'm going to," "I plan on," and "Someday, when things are settled down a bit." When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to......not something on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night? Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask "How are you?" Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed
with the next hundred chores running through your head?

Ever told your child, "We'll do it tomorrow."
And in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die?
Just call to say "Hi"?

When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....Thrown away...

Life is not a race. Take it slower.
Hear the music before the song is over.

Show your friends how much you care.
Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches will pull you down.

Strange night indeed...

2007-09-14T22:20:00.000+08:00

It is easy, so easy, to fall into 'bad' things.

I do injustice to the statement by describing it with a mono-syllabic, 3-letter word, but I find no other way of saying it without giving away my personal barometer of ethics or morals. The statement is not about MY yardstick of values. It is a statement about ANY and ALL yardsticks -- that more often than not, it is easier to find ourselves at the "negative" end of the stick versus the "better" end.

Perhaps this truth is why some believe the world to be a cold, dreary place. Something to avoid, to hide from, to dissociate. Perhaps also why pessimism and deep-seated sarcasm are in vogue. Also, possibly causing our natural discomfort at giddiyingly positive messages from TV/Movies/Conversations/Books/SMS Messages/Etc. We've all heard things we find "sickeningly corny" -- with our brains screaming 'nothing can be THAT picture-perfect.'

Some philosophers (read: people who have WAY more time than I do) have even found this observation as basis for arguing that man is "naturally evil." They argue that whatever the circumstance, everyone's default setting is on "bad" vs. "good."

All my life I've always believed this to be true -- that falling into 'bad' comes off easily. But this only strengthened my appreciation for most things 'hard' and 'difficult.' Having grown up with Catholic Faith, I sought to be a 'good' person, and this I associated with working hard.

But when I lost my faith almost 4 or 5 years ago, casting it away for reasons I cannot remember, I didn't realize I had cast away this fundamental truth. For almost five years, I had not only lost a meaningful relationship with God, but I had lost my love for all things difficult and challenging. Where before I searched for tests of fire, I had now sought a more lukewarm feeling.

In hindsight, this may have been the single most regretted choice in my life. I began to chose the easier path, not to mention an infesting envy of all those who could overcome anything hard or difficult in life. This choice had brought on much pain, suffering, and sorrow -- many I've just unearthed and I expect many more I will discover in the months of introspection to come.

But having recently renewed my faith in my God, I am starting to re-appreciate what is hard. But falling in love takes time - whether it be with a person, or to a fundamental belief in life. This will take time, I know. But it is a love that is worth it.

Like someone said with fewer words than I just did -- 'what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.'

Tribute: Madeleine L'Engle

2007-09-09T20:16:00.000+08:00

***
Madeleine L’Engle, who in writing more than 60 books, including childhood fables, religious meditations and science fiction, weaved emotional tapestries transcending genre and generation, died Thursday in Connecticut. She was 88. (New York Times)
***

To be honest, she was not one of the authors I came upon discovering myself. Not like Tolkien, Rothfuss, Rowling, or Handler -- authors of series I love to read (LOTR, NOTW, HP, ASOUE) -- L'Engle's books did not jump at me from a bookshelf. A friend of mine in college lent me a tattered copy of "A Wrinkle in Time." And its to her I owe knowing such an author and her works.

Madeleine L'Engle's world was more mature, more lively, more daring than any I had read back then. Sure it was easy to get lost in Gandalf and in Frodo, and in the quest to destroy the one ring. But that was a genre of mystical creatures and of impossible, improbable quests against monsters and villains. Tolkien's world was so vividly colorful and exciting that making it into an Oscar-winning film trilogy was apparent. But L'Engle dealt with the same concepts much much more daringly. Keeping to human heroes and heroines, she boldly told a story that was deep and meaningful -- weaving concepts behind conformity, about understanding, behind the idea of 'deity', behind love, about seeking, behind being different, and being unique. She was smart, much like her heroes and heroines - writing children's books, but challenging the idea that what children read should be a lesser form from what adults can.

And considering she wrote this book in 1963 (i only knew when I research her biography ten minutes ago), it is all the more outstanding. A strong female heroine, an ability to weave advanced science into a morally-grounded children's story, and enduring themes; she was a writer decades ahead of her time.

Her recent picture seen here -- speaks to me how happy and content she was. I would consider my life blessed, filled, and overflowing if I could just be as half as happy as she is in this picture.

A few words from "A Wrinkle in Time" - one of her first, and most acclaimed books - will remain in my heart for as long as I can read, write, and understand them:
"Like and equal are not the same thing at all!" - Madeleine L'Engle, A Wrinkle in Time

rest in peace, Ms. L'Engle.

Ratatouille Movie Review

2007-09-01T23:42:00.000+08:00

Overall Assessment

Five stars out of Five.

The latest Pixar movie, Ratatouille, simply is, without question, the outstanding animation movie of this past year. There is so much positive things to talk about that I am struggling just to write something which doesn't sound like a run-on sentence of multiple thoughts, or an 'overall assessment' that goes beyond the space of your monitor screen.

For once, it might be more concise to itemize the negative impressions I have. But this is not going to be that kind of review. We shall rise up to the challenge, and describe, with no compromises, why this author believes Ratatouille is worth 10 times what you paid for at the box office.

Story / Plot - 4 out of 5
Dialogue - 5 out of 5
Character Development - 5 out of 5
Acting (or voice) - 5 out of 5
Cinematography / Animation - 5 out of 5
Music - 5 out of 5
X-Factor (variable element*) - 5 out of 5

Plot Theme
On the surface, the plot did not make use of the same material recent animations have -- talking animals, animals loose on the city, animals making their way in the world, etc. Yes, we did have talking rats. But the plot wasn't about the talking rats. It was about one talking rat's dream. The plot was about the dream! On a closer look, the plot gave off a strong flavor of "partial benefit symbiosis" -- where two 'uniques' merge as one for partial benefit to each individual. It was less subtle in this movie (because it was a movie with a much younger audience), but it has parallels to the likes of Cyrano de Bergerac.

In other words, the plot had multiple levels to it -- it was about a rat's passion and dreams. It was about the benefit and harmfulness of a symbiotic relationship. It was a foodie (food-lovers) movie. It was about the relationship between the value we find in what we do, and the value we put into family. It was a 'coming-of-age' movie (for those who like to overuse that one). And it was a funny movie with jokes for the kids, and adults.

Character Development
The characters had depth, because they dealt with problems that aren't too far off from what we deal with in real life. How many of us feel estranged against a parent. Disagree with them about who we are, and what we're capable off. How many of us have dreamed of something better for ourselves. A better job, somewhere we can be happy, friends. How many of us have been jealous for not being recognized, or a sense of wanting to be someone, somebody.

These are all easy to notice on live-picture movies. But in the world of animated films, its hard to see Zebras or Giraffes, Emperor Penguins or Squirrels, Cars or Robots exhibit these emotions. The challenge of character development in animation is whether I can see myself as that character, walking in the same shoes (or paws, claws, etc.). In Ratatouille, I can easily see myself as the aspiring cook Remy, rat-persona, or no.

Dialogue
The dialogue is one of the smartest and most moving I have heard from animation AND live-picture movies in a long while. It is easy, especially with children's movies, to fall back on time-tested dialogue and humor that is funny because it has been laughed at so many times already in the past. Some movies shine with one conversation or two which stand out. Ratatouille is a movie that overdelivers this. Not snobby, pretentious smart. And not teary-jerk, heart-on-their-sleeve, puppy-dog-eyes moving. But smart because it makes you understand life. And moving because it makes you care for what the characters care for, forgetting for a moment the fact that it is a fictional work.

Examples of the smart-moving dialogue:
1. "Where are you going?" says Remy's dad. Remy says "with any luck (pause) forward."
2. "In the past, I have made no secret of my disdain for Chef Gusteau's famous motto: Anyone can cook. But I realize that only now do I truly understand what he meant. Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere."says Anton Ego.
3. "Food always comes to those who cook (fade)." - Chef Gusteau

Animation
I will not pretend to know much about how difficult or easy it is to produce a work of animation. What I can talk about is how much I appreciate how beautiful it was. Notice that the whole movie seemed like it was shot with a camera - the background sometimes being out of focus when it's the forefront that's clear, and vice versa. And the animation of Paris lights, while I doubt if truly reflective of real life, was always breathtaking. The animation of the food was life-like - from preparation to finish.

Music
It had none of the campy, sing-song music that children moviegoers will be singing for weeks. No "I like to move it, move it", or such. And I'm saying that's a good thing! The music raised the level of the movie dramatically - from kids movie, to a heartwarming story. I for one cannot remember any of the songs played in the movie, nor hum any of the melodies. But I will certainly like to have those songs in my music collection someday. They just seem to evoke the right mood, a mix of meaningful happiness and fulfilling activity.

X-Factor
For this movie, the X-Factor was the thought-provoking message of the movie. Not every kids' movie has one. And not every kids' movie that has one goes beyond the overused box of moral lessons. Be yourself. Dream, and make it happen. Overcome the odds. One against many. Courage of your convictions.

Ratatouille had -- anybody (not EVERYbody) can be somebody great. This is pretty subtle, and it took 2 days for the right meaning to sink in to me. Subtle. Unique. Beyond cliche. Concise.

Closure
I will end not with my own words, but in the words of Anton Ego, the critic-character in the film. The following dialogue is his words in the film, about his experience eating from Remy's creations:
"In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face is that, in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defense of the new. Last night, I experienced something new, an extraordinary meal from a singularly unexpected source. To say that both the meal and its maker have challenged my preconceptions is a gross understatement. They have rocked me to my core. In the past, I have made no secret of my disdain for Chef Gusteau's famous motto: Anyone can cook. But I realize that only now do I truly understand what he meant. Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere. It is difficult to imagine more humble origins than those of the genius now cooking at Gusteau's, who is, in this critic's opinion, nothing less than the finest chef in France. I will be returning to Gusteau's soon, hungry for more."

I wish I could be coming to the defense of something unappreciated and unrecognized, new and brilliant, a work I see that has great value. Alas, this time, I come to the defense of all these things, except that Ratatouille is neither unappreciated or unrecognized. I join the ranks of many on this one.

Plot Synopsis:
Remy is a rat, constantly risking life in an expensive French restaurant because of his love of good food, as well as a desire to become a chef. Yet, obviously, this is a rather tough dream for a rat. But opportunity knocks when a young boy, who desperately needs to keep his job at the restaurant, despite his lack of cooking abilities, discovers and partners the young Remy. Its up to the two of them to avoid the insane head chef, bring the rest of Remy's family up to his standards, win his partner a girl, and, of course, produce the finest Ratatouille in all of France.

Innocent experiments, part two

2007-08-28T04:35:00.000+08:00

Well, I didn't pass away from eating what I had cooked. So Hooray! for that. :)
But I got a small migraine a couple of hours after eating the relyenong bangus I cooked -- so out to the trash the rest of it went. Other than that, no problems.

I've decided the other day to stretch my experiments to more 'advanced degree' filipino dishes, so I cooked myself some Kare-kare (oxtail and tripe in peanut butter & achuete sauce) and Lechon Kawali (pieces of pork belly deep fried to a crisp).

Kare-kare:

Lechon Kawali:

have eaten them already, with my friend Jake, and suffice to say -- I am alive. :)
YUM!

Innocent experiments

2007-08-12T19:16:00.000+08:00

Having no better thing to do all saturday, and since I woke up too early -- I decided to cook another round of dishes to last me a couple of days.

This time I decided to stick with filipino dishes:
- Chop suey (vegetable stir fry with pork and quail eggs)
- Giniling (ground pork in tomato sauce with carrots and potatoes)
- Paksiw na Bangus (milkfish in vinegar-like broth)
- Galungong (fried fish)
- Adobong Pusit (boiled squid with tomatoes, simmered in its own ink)
- Squid fritters (fried breaded squid)
- Relyenong Bangus (milkfish stuffed with fish meat, tomatoes, carrots and raisins)

I was only able to take pictures of four of the dishes:

Chop suey:

Relyenong Bangus (i wrapped it with aluminum foil):

Paksiw na Bangus:

Adobong Pusit:

The "paksiw" didn't turn out right. I mistook how I was supposed to cook it -- proper way is on a wide pan, with the water-vinegar at shallow levels -- NOT in a pot with the fish entirely submerged in the mixture.

But I am pleased with the relyenong bangus. I mean, 'stuffing' a fish isn't exactly a normal kitchen activity. It was exciting. But I won't be doing it again anytime soon.

Now I'll be enjoying these creations in the days to come.
I'll post again soon, hopefully if I'm not overcome with food poisoning. ;)

Linguistic Harmony

2007-07-14T00:05:00.000+08:00

"As you continue on your path, you will lose some friends and gain new ones. The process is painful... but often necessary. They will change. And you will change. Because life is change. From time to time, they must find their own way. And that way may not be yours. Enjoy them for what they are. And remember them for what they were."

Anyone who has heard this before, who knows where I have quoted this from -- they are blessed with a good story. Penetrating insights often come from remarkably strange places.

Good night. :)

Visual DNA

2007-07-01T12:12:00.000+08:00

For those curious about my previous post -- its a personal kind-of pictograph that you can custom make for yourself. It showcases pictures instead of words to describe the kind of person you are.

Try it out.
--> imagini.net

Just click START. :)

My Visual DNA. :)

2007-06-26T00:37:00.000+08:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Book Review: The Fifth Vial

2007-05-06T21:27:00.000+08:00

Entree

It was a boring friday night, and I decided to pass by the bookstore on my 5 minute walk back home. As I paid for my weekly 'Economist' magazine, some of the fiction novels on 'highlight' caught my eye. A book I hadn't seen before was there - pristine white except for the title and a graphic of a large test tube on the cover. Many times I've passed by the same bookstore and that 'highlight' shelf without actually taking a book. The cashier, done with my purchase, asked again if there was anything else. I quickly browsed the inside flap of the new book - it was a 'medical' mystery / thriller novel. Still high on this week's excellent House M.D. Episode (3x20 - 'Family'), I pick it up and pay for it. The rest of my weekend was spent reading 'The Fifth Vial' by Michael Palmer.

Overall

An overall grade of B.

Being my first 'medical novel', it was a good read. The topic - illegal organ trafficking on the 'grandest' scale - was as good as any. The best reason I have for giving a modest 'B' was that it did not oversell itself. From the little I read on the inside flap, there was no promise of 'great adventure', 'a shocking earth-shattering secret', or 'brilliant twists and turns.' It was a medical story, and in that sense, it delivered. There was enough puzzlement at the beginning to catch my curiosity, enough emotional connection to get me through 40 chapters, and enough closure at the end that I don't feel the urge to look for a sequel. It was good storytelling.

Weaknesses

What it lacked was excellence in certain areas - namely pace, character development of antagonists, and a setting that emotionally connected.

The story's pace was both a blessing and a curse. There were sections which moved like a snail - unnecessarily repeating emotions and connections already made, and focusing too much on minute, irrelevant detail that doesn't move the story forward. However, at places the pace was quick, and on a couple of times, inventive. More on this when I talk about the pace as a strength.

While emotional rapport was certainly built between the reader and heroine and hero (though the book is certainly more a heroine than hero story), no such connection was made with the antagonists. While not necessary in all fiction, I've found that a reader who is heavily invested in both protagonist and antagonist tends to walk away from the book with a richer experience. Take Silas for example, from 'The Da Vinci Code', or Wednesday from 'American Gods'. Certainly in 'The Fifth Vial', the malicious intent of the 'Guardians' (the story's antagonists) was solidified in the first 3 chapters - hence forcing the reader to take sides too early in the story. I found this 'spoiled' some of my reading appetite; making me read mostly because I wanted to find out how the 'good guys' get to kick the 'bad guys' asses in the end. Sometimes painting the enemy with more than one color can be a rewarding investment in character development.

The setting also did not resonate with me - flashes of Boston and Texas, with most of the story happening in Brazil and Cameroon. While the description of the setting was vivid - the research center in Cameroon, the surgery hospital in Brazil -- they were just too far from conventional reality. While I felt the characters could've been real, the settings were less so.

Strengths

Many virtues of good storytelling abound also - good protagonist character development and connection, a medical narration that gave the right balance between being layman-friendly and medically-based, and so on. But one strength I found here, which I do not find in most other fiction books, was the exercise of control in telling ALL parts of a story. Instead, the reader is treated (mostly) to the important parts of the storyline, with certain events happening between the pages and chapters not written, but to be assumed and perhaps later explained in hindsight. This was creative storytelling I felt -- making the reader fill in the blanks with his own imagination, while only writing the important ones. It kept me pleasantly surprised to where and when I would find the characters next, despite their motivations being plain well beforehand (see weakness extolled earlier). A lot of other fiction writers can learn much from Michael Palmer in this redeeming writing style.

Recommendation

If you've already read most of your must-read-fiction-list and are looking for something new and fresh, I suggest you pick this one up. But if you're thinking between reading some other book you're sure you like and this one, I'd rather suggest you pick the other book you already know you like. This book is best read with no expectations, especially not versus another book you already like. But certainly, it leaves a fresh aftertaste.

Book Summary (from inside flap)
In Boston, a disgraced medical student is sent to deliver a research paper that could save her career. . . . Four thousand miles away, in a jungle hospital in Cameroon, a brilliant, reclusive scientist, dying from an incurable disease that threatens to make each tortured breath his last, is on the verge of perfecting a serum that could save millions of lives, and bring others inestimable wealth. . . . In Chicago, a disillusioned private detective, on the way to his third career, is hired to determine the identify of a John Doe, killed on a Florida highway, with mysterious marks on his body.

Three seemingly disconnected lives, surging unrelentingly toward one another. Three lives becoming irrevocably intertwined. Three lives in mounting peril, moving ever closer to the ultimate confrontation against a deadly secret society with godlike aspirations and roots in antiquity.

Medical student. Scientist. Private eye. Three people who will learn the deeper meanings of brilliance and madness, truth and deception, trust and betrayal.

Three lives linked forever by a single vial of blood—the fifth vial.

mirroring exercise...

2007-04-23T22:07:00.000+08:00

There's this friend I saw on Yahoo Messenger tonight, who for the past few weeks I've observed has been having ups and downs in her life (noted from the many 'multiply' posts I get, plus her status messages).

I decide to send her a nice message about what I observed, and to get her to cheer up... only to realize that I was actually describing myself in the process.

Message goes:
"you know... minsan (sometimes) im confused na... you seem so... happy yet at the same time sad. like there are things and days that really make you smile, pero sometimes you have thoughts which run deep and make you question the road you are on. wala lang (nothing)... observation from the many multiply updates i get plus your long ever-changing YM status msgs"

Funny. I caught myself just before I pressed 'send.'

sorry guys. no expounding post tonight.

2007-04-19T19:58:00.000+08:00

I had planned to put up a good, lengthy review of 2 new movies I saw -- 'The Reaping', and 'Sunshine'. Unfortunately, the best laid plans are always flawed... and I again underestimated how much work I'm stuck with.

By morning, I have to finalize 'breakthrough' ideas, get a major multi-market analysis done, prepare to defend 3 forecasts, and manage all my adhocs.

Sorry. At least I made 10 minutes to write an apology. :(
Will try better next time.

i feel like this now...

forgive me for my sins

2007-04-17T22:17:00.000+08:00

"It's hard to soar like an eagle, when you're among turkeys."
- Fr. Joaquin Bernas, Society of Jesus (Dean, Ateneo Law School, Philippines)

I'm not condoning the friends and colleagues who surround me everyday -- that is hardly the case. It may never be obvious, or show itself plainly, but I love all the people in my life. Sometimes my love can be tough love though; lots of disagreement, miscommunication, the occasional jealousy, and plenty o' plenty of arguing. But that's not why I brought up the quote...

It's hard to aim for my goals, when I always always keep on repeating the bad habits I've grown. I've taken care of so many 'turkeys' now (bad habits), I can hear the *bok*bok*bok* in my ears.

For most of the nearly two years I'm here, I've gained bad eating habits. I've lost touch with dozens of friends, inspite of the geographic barrier. I've unlearned a lot of basic communication and speaking skills that helped me earlier in life. I've watched more TV, and read less literature. I've slept more hours, and feel less energetic throughout the day. I've learned to start my day at 9am, instead of before at 7am. Worst of all -- I've temporarily lost perspective on the goals and life-truths I hold dear.

I know I didn't grow up this way. Before my working life (and hence secure income) came, my life wasn't as physically comfortable (or 'like this'), but in retrospect, it was happier and I was content. Back then I knew how to live without airconditioning even during hot summer months, or how to commute the 'long' way (ala bus+train+'jeep'/'tricycle'). I knew how to be happy with a 3 year old laptop, or 'lutong bahay' (home cooked meals). (On a side note, I grew fat FROM home cooked meals... but that's a different 'sin'). An example beyond materiality, I knew how to laugh at simple things - something we filipinos call 'mababaw ang kaligayahan/tawa' (laughter that is shallow / easily laughs). Point is -- in times when I had limited resources, I knew how to make MOST of what I had in life. And that made me happy.

Thinking just now, I recognize my bad habits fall into one theme -- we choose and we set our own boundaries in life.
Being given financially much in the past 2 years has made me insensitive to how I make most of my life. I lost sense of what 'optimal life' meant, and instead thought it meant living the best life i can afford.

Regardless of anyone's income status, a great life is never about living the life you can afford, but living the person you want to be. We are in control of who we are and want we want our life to be. Our income and status in life are only one of life's 'enablers', and should never be a 'definer.'

Let me begin to relearn the life-truths I've scattered on my way here. Let me begin with this.

Review: The Fountain (Movie, January 2007)

2007-02-25T01:47:00.000+08:00

Three stars out of five.

"The Fountain" had potential to be a great movie. Only something got lost somewhere between the screenwriters' imagination and the movie-goers eyes. The movie's theme and message was very good. But the creative execution -- multiple timelines and flashbacks / flashforwards / multiple realities -- only gave rise to confusion. Instead of making a brilliant idea come alive, the movie's choice of storytelling made it much more ambiguous. The directing and acting we're just right, but not at all memorable. Here, the creative execution is again to blame. It forced you to focus more on figuring out what was happening, versus seeing how well the actors did justice to their written characters.

My advice - watch the movie, but lower your expectations. And don't worry if you can't make sense of the ending.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A brief summary of the movie follows. For those who have been 'spoiled' enough by what I said above, and still want to watch the film, don't read ahead. For everyone else, caveat emptor and read on.

The year is 2000 A.D. - the present. Tommy (Hugh Jackman) plays a medical scientist in search of a cure for brain tumor (a kind the movie does not delight in specifying). He has a personal stake in it, since his wife Izzie (Rachel Weisz) has been diagnosed and will eventually die from said brain tumor in the near future. He discovers a promising cure -- ingredients from some 'tree in South America'. Meanwhile, Izzie's condition worsens, and she is hospitalized. Despite his efforts, Tommy is unable to make a cure from his recent discovery. Beaten, he decides to spend time with Izzie in the hospital. She dies a few hours later, despite Tommy's protests against it. Fate and life chose to take spite on Tommy as well, because then his experiments give him the results he needed to save Izzie. Tormented by the powers that be, he goes back to his experiments. But now his new goal is to find a cure for death.

In her last days, Izzie writes a book -- The Fountain. Set in the time of the Spanish Inquisition, the book is about a conquistador (named Tomas) on a mission from the Queen of Spain (Queen Isabel). The mission: go to South America, among the Mayan country, and find the 'Tree of Life', beleived to give eternal life from drinking its tree sap. Before dying, she leaves Tommy with one last request - to finish writing the last chapter of her book. The book is the second story timeline of the movie.

The third, and most confusing story timeline, takes place in 2500 A.D. and in space. We see the same Tommy as we saw in 2000 A.D., but we are to infer he discovered the secret to eternal life. With him is a dying tree, who I beleive is Izzie (the tree having been planted on top of her grave, and in Mayan beliefs the tree is her re-created life). They journey towards a nebula wrapped around a dying star -- what Mayans beleive to be Shebalba. Shebalba is the underworld where death creates new life. Tommy is hoping to bring the tree and himself to Shebalba, both to be recreated.

As he journeys closer to the tree, he is tormented by Izzie's memory - reminding him to finish the last chapter of her book. He refuses, and clings to his hope of reaching Shebalba before the tree dies. And for the second time, Izzie (in the form of the tree) dies, before they could both reach Shebalba. Tommy's new grief along with Izzie's final request, convinces him to finish the book. He finishes the conquistador's story by letting Tomas find the Tree of Life and letting him drink from its sap. But in doing so, Tomas dies at the foot of the Tree of Life, with a hundred new flowers growing from his body. Tommy then realizes what he must do, as the pursuit of new life only begins with death. Tommy acts to push himself into the dying star, bringing about his own death.

In one final moment to confuse the movie-goer, the movie flashes back to a critical moment in 2000 A.D., when Tommy is about to begin the work that leads to his discovery (of the tree, of eternal life). Only this time instead of beginning his work, he abandons it to spend time with Izzie instead.

---
The idea behind the plot was inspired -- death as the beginning of creation. Not because death opens the door to eternal life (it may very well do, but that is not the point of the movie). But because death creates life. Not continues it (think "Constantine", "Sixth Sense", or "The Five People You Meet in Heaven"). But creates it.

Unfortunately, that message was lost in the movie's desperate attempt to both communicate a complex idea and to do it by using a non-linear timeline. Actually this approach has been done before (think "The Lakehouse"). The error here was in not explaining if and which of the time periods were real or not, and how the 'not so real' ones related to the 'real' ones. We do not know if the 1500 AD story (Tomas and Queen Isabel) were Tommy and Izzie's "previous lives", or were they simply Izzie's work of fiction that coincidentally symbolized what happened both in 2000 AD in their own lives. We are also puzzled in how real the 2500 AD story was -- with Tommy and a tree floating in space. Did he discover the secret to eternal life? If so, how did the tree survive 500 years as well? Did they leave Earth to pursue this nebula? Or did the Earth die, with both of them being the only survivors because of the secret of eternal life? The ending also compounded confusion -- since if he did not pursue his work on discovering the secret to eternal life, then the story taking place in 2500 AD would have been meaningless.

The Fountain aspired to be a movie with a deep meaning in a challenging creative execution. It fell short of its mark, and no points are awarded for simply just trying. Unmanaged complexity was its pitfall. You almost have to be Mayan to understand the better part of it.

What kind of day has it been, part three

2007-02-14T23:17:00.000+08:00

Well, it was a bit better today. Got some ground regained, and looks like we're in for a leg and an arm over the next week or so. But nothing we can't overcome. :D

Waiting for midnight to come. For my day of jubilee.

What kind of day has it been, part two

2007-02-13T22:54:00.000+08:00

fuck off.

What kind of day has it been

2007-02-13T00:04:00.000+08:00

I didn't get shot, okay (for those who understand the reference with the title of the post).

But yeah, I might as well get shot with the day I've had. I didn't even realize lunch went by without me eating. Or that I was running like mad around the office, voice twice as loud. Sounds like my typical day, except for the fact that I'd rate my productivity at an appalling 2.0/10.0 (read: lots of work, hardly any new insights made).

On the other hand, beyond office life seems great. Making good progress on the weight loss. I've begun to make headways into a new book now ('The End of Poverty' - Jeffrey Sachs). I've found more time (which I thought was impossible).

Piece of advice to those who are looking for more time, or who feel they dont use their time as well as they want -- think "FULL ON." Whenever you do something, or give it more than 5 minutes of your time, try to be in a "FULL ON" mode; be engaged and enthusiastic about what you're doing at that point in time. Devote your attention to it 100%. A big reason why we feel we 'waste time' is because we feel we rather want to be doing something else at that point in time. And we concentrate on hating what we're currently doing, that it makes us even feel worse. Well, next time that happens, just do the opposite. Instead of doing that 'thing' half-hearted (yet still doing it), do it FULL ON! You have nothing to lose - you're gonna do it anyway (because it's required for class, or for work, or for family, or etc.), might as well be FULL ON while doing it. It doesn't change the amount of time you do it; but it really changes the way you feel about yourself before, during, and after you do it.

And of course, my special day of jubillee is coming soon.

Another art photo from my amateur photo skills, called:
"Forthcoming"

from an old friend

2007-02-04T02:54:00.000+08:00

sa harap ng kamatayan, mapapapili ka maging maka-sarili o manatiling kapwa na sumasa-kapwa. ang mabuti ang siyang gumagabay sa iyong pagiging tunay na tao sa harap ng kamatayan. bagaman may hangganan ang buhay kung papanig ka sa kabutihan, di ka magpapakaabala sa pagsulong ng pansariling kapakanan lamang. ang mabuti ang gagabay sa iyo na hindi sumuko sa siguradong kasukdulan ng buhay. bagkus, patuloy ka pang magsusumikap hanapin ang kahulugan ng buhay. once we become aware of the frailty of human life, we can begin to live life for others sincerely. - KN

order and distractions

2007-02-04T02:15:00.000+08:00

I've begun some progress on personal goals, and I am proud of that.
Now, persistence and perseverance start being a factor. We're on my turf; ready for round 2.

I have been watching too much TV. I tried to excuse it before as "background noise" while I work or read, or multitask. But at best it has kept my mood lifted, and at worst took time from making progress on other personal goals. Time to scale back on this habit. It starts to feel like I'm trying to get over an addiction. But if that's the perspective it takes to deal with this... then 'bring it on.'

On the realm of purpose and life-goals, some-sort-of-an event happened. Like a fleeting light in a dark cave, when you think you see a way out, a small shaft of light. No matter how far it is, how high it is. It is light. It merits more thinking, and more reading.

Despite earlier urges to either go to Europe or Japan/Korea, I've decided to stay in singapore during the Chinese New Year. I realized better priorities were elsewhere for the time being.

And a picture from my photos, entitled 'Light of my way':

only so many times i can go on...

2007-01-24T23:31:00.000+08:00

Physical burn-out is one thing... mental, emotional, spiritual is another... but the breakdown of willpower - that is a whole new level for me.

Now I understand what people in solitary confinement or solitary exile go through, if only a little. The soul is a delicate thing.

Lord, give me the strength. I do not have it; but I know you will provide it when the time comes.

Photo Excursion - Jan 13

2007-01-14T13:13:00.000+08:00

I started one of my new year's reolutions today -- be a little more serious about photography -- with a walking trip from my apartment to the city.

Took some good pictures, and im now keeping them in file for a rainy day.

Here's one I really like; I call it "I saw a sign"

Another long hiatus

2007-01-08T23:04:00.000+08:00

Wow. Another long hiatus.

But before someone throws me out for laziness... allow me to saw... it was frikkin' December.
Cmon, at least on December I should be allowed to submit to my whims. Besides, it was too holiday-yee to be blogging.

Oh, but there's a lot to blog about now. A lot has happened...
Among others:
- plans for a Korea / Japan trip in february
- 12 new year resolutions
- new year, old friends
- Christmas family vacation in singapore! pics and more!
- my ticket to Phantom of the Opera
- my MACDOWS!!! (or WININTOSH!) - read: I'm now the proud owner of a Macbook that BOTH runs Mac OS X and WINDOWS.
- Marvel: Civil War series
- New books!
- Expanding my culinary skills -- cooking filipino pansit

Oh oh oh. But I just don't have the time right now. :(
I'll try to post my thoughts in the next few days.

Ciao my friends.
Warm thoughts.
-

One Day More!

2006-11-18T02:10:00.000+08:00

Valjean:
Another day, another destiny,
This neverending road to Calvary.
These men who seem to know my crime will surely come a second time.
One day more.

Marius:
I did not live until today.
How can I live when we are parted?

Valjean:
One day more.

Marius and Cosette:
Tomorrow you'll be worlds away.
And yet with you my world has started.

Eponine:
One more day all on my own.

Marius and Cosette:
Will we ever meet again?

Eponine:
One more day with him not caring.

Marius and Cosette:
I was born to be with you.

Eponine:
What a life I might have known.

Marius and Cosette:
And I swear I will be true.

Eponine:
But he never saw me there.

Enjolras:
One more day before the storm!

Marius:
Do I follow where she goes?

Enjolras:
At the barricades of freedom.

Marius:
Shall I join my brothers there?

Enjolras:
When our ranks begin to form,

Marius:
Do I stay, and do I dare?

Enjolras:
Will you take your place with me?

Chorus:
The time is now.
The day is here.

Valjean:
One day more!

Javert:
One more day to revolution
We will nip it in the bud.
I will join these little schoolboys,
They will wet themselves with blood.

Valjean:
One day more!

Thernadiers:
Watch 'em run amuck
Catch 'em as they fall.
Never know your luck when there's a free-for-all.
Here a little dip

There a little touch.
Most of them are gonners so they won't miss much!

Rebel Students:
One day to a new beginning
Raise the flag of freedom high.
Every man will be a king.
Every man will be a king.
There's a new world for the winning.
There's a new world to be won.
Do you hear the people sing?

Marius:
My place is here
I fight with you.

Valjean:
One day more!

Marius and Cosette:
I did not live until today

Eponine:
One more day all on my own.

Javert:
I will learn their little secrets,
I will know the things they know.

Valjean:
One day more!

Thenardiers:
Watch 'em run amuck.
Catch 'em as they fall,
Never know your luck when there's a free-for-all.

Javert:
I will join these little schoolboys

Valjean:
Tomorrow we'll be far away
Tomorrow is the judgment day.

All:
Tomorrow we'll discover
What our God in heaven has in store.
One more dawn.

One more day.
One day more!

and those i miss the most

2006-11-18T01:48:00.000+08:00

"Can miles truly separate you from friends.... If you want to be with people you love,
aren't you already there?" ~Richard Bach

not knowing what you have till it's gone

2006-11-18T01:09:00.000+08:00

by the way, in case...

i really wanted to say how much i miss my old boss.
he was such a brilliant, and too-often-than-not insightful manager who really knew how to navigate the systems and mazes within the company. someone who had a truly good sense of humour ("what am i doing?... im 'raising' the bar") and a clarity that pierced souls.

we miss you boss.

p.s. thanks for dropping by. ;)

Verdict on the Fall Season 06/07: BRILLIANTO!

2006-11-17T22:57:00.000+08:00

The jury is back, and here is my personal verdict, and the network's decisions:

1) STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP (new show!)
- My verdict: Best new concept on the block! MUST WATCH!
- getting better and better. concept still has some oomph, especially now that they're exploring settings outside the studio. like Pahmrump, Nevada. too funny sometimes. still watching until the 'west wing' creator gets 'out of the witness protection program' and fights non-quality TV with classic sorkinese.
- NBC Decision: FULL SEASON 1! Day of Jubilee!

2) BROTHERS & SISTERS (new show!)
- My verdict: Best feely-character development show! MUST WATCH!
- i love it! Calista Flockhart is as good, even better 'Ally McBeal' days. the first family relationship TV show which makes me laugh and sympathize with, without rolling my eyes and saying 'preacy cliche' -- because that's exactly what this show is NOT. I mean cmon -- a family of seven: with 3 GOPs, 4 dems, a gay bro, a senile bro, a cheating dead husband, a living matriarch, a celebrity sis, a junkie war veteran bro, and 15 mil $ embezzled. Imagine you're part of that family; who needs dysfunctional friends? Arrested Devt + 7th heaven!
- ABC Decision: FULL SEASON 1! Day of Jubilee!

3) HEROES! (new show)
- My verdict: Best sci-fi show! MUST WATCH!
- hey, i've got to have my sci-fi / fantasy fix on TV as well right? This show is as good as Lost was when Lost premiered, only that it answered questions faster, and had a cliffhanger for almost each episode. Tim Kring, KUDOS -- you are the NEW JJ Abrams!
- NBC Decision: FULL SEASON 1! Biggest Hit! Day of Jubilee!

4) LOST (returning for Season 3)
- My verdict: Best... long running mystery. WILL STICK FOR THE ANSWERS!
- I'm still watching because the story isn't over. And there are still around 381 mysteries to solve. Though Ben and Locke still impress me with how complex they are. The rest, not so much.
- ABC Decision: FULL SEASON 3! I'm still here!

5) HOUSE! (returning for season 3)
- My verdict: Best show that connects with me. just does. MUST WATCH #1!
- my favorite doctor is back! you have to love the genius, sarcasm, and negative energy Hugh Laurie delivers. If he's your doctor, you can at least be sure of getting healthier. this show appeals to my dark-brooding-introvert-sneering self.
- FOX Decision: FULL SEASON 3! I'm still confined! paging Dr.House!

Back, hopefully for a long time :)

2006-11-17T22:00:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone!

i'm back, after a long hiatus.
its been a month since i last posted... but really i don't post often, so what's new.

there have been a couple of times in the past week when i wanted to post something - logging on to blogspot, opening the 'create new post' link. but i never really carried through. either was too tired, too lazy, or too... well, too empty.

but well, that water shed broke now, and i'm back. :)

so all, i say... "the opposite of C'est la vie!"

initial thoughts on new Fall season shows

2006-10-09T00:02:00.000+08:00

My verdict after about 2 to 3 weeks of the new Fall Season

1) Heroes - top of my list. awesome story arc. great concept. brilliant execution. the perfect show this season.
2) House - the new 'West Wing' is here, except that it stars a sarcastic, damaged, brilliant doctor. why conform with reality when you can be like House?
3) Lost - still a compelling watch, if only to gather the rest of the puzzle pieces. character stories still have oomph.
4) Studio 60 - good, but displays highest gap (down) vs. expectations. but when you tout a new show to be the best thing man has created since sliced bread... you are sure to disappoint for a while.
5) Brothers & Sisters - character compelling from the get-go. will follow if only for Calista Flockhart. and "Mr.Sloane" :D

No verdict out yet:
- Six Degrees
- The Class

i love subways

2006-10-08T23:44:00.000+08:00

I'm not calling attention to a newly-found love for healthy sandwiches (though its not such a bad idea).

Subways just feel so alive and dynamic. Every person has a story. Each conversation has character. Each laugh is intended for a particular joke. Individuality is lost, yet there is no collective to speak off - people who ride a subway are no 'more connected' than people who live in different cities. But for the short 10 minute ride, ones eyes are visually assaulted by a rich density of individuals... individual stories, individual characters, individual smiles, individual solitude. And when its right before your eyes, you can't help but feel how much the world doesnt revolve around you and yet feel that the only world that matters, actually does.

The world comes alive in a subway.

conscious little steps

2006-09-17T22:45:00.000+08:00

#1. Raise the reading rate up to 1 full book a week. Must read a book every night.
#2. Lower the TV series I would religiously follow to 5 only - Heroes, Studio 60, House, Lost, and ST Voyager.

the sins of rip van winkle

2006-09-17T22:01:00.000+08:00

it's been well over a year and all i can say is... it felt like a whole year of procrastination.

i stepped out of the university with gusto and readiness to take on the world. we'll change the world.
we'll make a transforming difference. magis to the max.

one year on, and i've wasted a year. weekends given to sleeping and idling away. from one random obsession - say DVD box sets - to the next - another DVD box set, or some new thing for the apartment. weekdays spent toiling over work. late evenings watching more and more TV, downloading more and more shows.

tv shows i've watched obsessively just last year - West Wing (all 7 seasons... twice), Stargate (8 seasons), Lost (all 2 seasons), Alias (2 seasons), Monk (2 seasons), Numb3rs (all 2 seasons), House M.D. (all 2 seasons), Battlestar Galactica (1 season). Not to mention occassional trips to the moviehouse and scheduling weekends around the HBO and Cinemax schedule. All told, 1000+ hours spent in front of a screen with moving things inside. 40 full days, give or take. And the number of non-work related books i've read in full? FOUR! Einstein's Dreams, the entire set of Series of Unfortunate Events, 4 Poirot novels, and the Ultimate Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy. Pathetic. My college-me would whoop and kick my ass in less than a minute if he heard.

not to mention the weight i've put on. (In the interest of saving myself from embarassment, we shall spare the details).

the number of promises I made to myself that have been broken are ridiculously long.
and the reasons I give myself is embarassingly unexcusable.

people have gotten engaged. people have died. people have come. people have left. people have risen to awesome personal achievement. people have failed. people have succeded. and yet here I am, more than a year before, much the same.

it is as alan lightman put it... time is fixated with motion. the more we stand stil, the more others who are passengers of time hastily move in the background of our vision.

the unexamined life truly is not worth living. let it be examined then, from hereon end.

In memoriam: Mr. Christopher Castro

2006-09-03T20:02:00.000+08:00

Meron.

There has to be a God out there. Today would be a dark day if there wasn't.

There has to be a God who would embrace dear nikki from the cold. There has to be a light somewhere at the end of this life, for that is what nikki should have seen. Heaven is real -- its has to be -- because that's the only way I would ever see nikki again. God is alive, because it is a much, much darker day if he didn't.

Some might ask - why take away nikki from us? Why a good person - an extraordinarily good person? How good is a God who does this? How real is a benevolent God who would take from us a beacon of hope, love, and cura personalis? But do we stop and think - how empty a death without the possibility of God would feel?

I do not propose to know His reasons or His plans -- but today, most especially today, I beleive He has plans. He is benevolent. He is Good. He is Wonderful. He is Mercy. Alam ko na andyan ka, Panginoon, dahil sa Iyo Pagiging lamang nagkakabuluhan ang pagpanaw ng aming kaibigang nikki.

Tinig.

For us who are left behind, especially for myself, I feel a sense of greater responsibility for my life. I feel most strongly the sense of purpose - or at least seeking it and fulfilling it - surging through me. Para sa mga nakakakilala kay nikki, alam natin na napakalaki ng kinabukasan at kakayahan niya. Alam natin na kahit ni isa sa atin, walang ikukumpara sa lakas ng loob o sa makakayang gawin ni nikki. Si nikki na may karisma, na may mabuting loob, na may pag-alaga, na may paninindigan, na mas malakas pa kaysa kanino sa atin.

Ngayong wala na siya rito upang tuparin ang kanyang kakayahan -- nararamdaman ko na kailangan kong gawin ang tulad niya. Bilang respeto sa isang katangi-tangi at malakas na kabigan... bilang respeto at pagpapasalamat kay nikki... hindi ba dapat kong ibuhos sa buhay ko ang katumbas na lakas ng loob, kabutihan, pagsasauna ng iba ng tulad ng binuhos ni nikki sa buhay niya? Isang tawag na maging tulad niya, na sa buong buhay niya ay tumulad sa Kanya.

Ito ang tawag na naramdaman ko sa puso ko. Tawag na alam ko ay para sa ating lahat.
Nikki, boses mo ba yang naririnig namin?

Nikki, mahal ka namin. As you are in heaven, please pray for all of us who remain here, doing His work.

Meet einstein's cat

2006-09-03T19:43:00.000+08:00

I wish I could be showing Einstein's Cat (my new macbook) with more fanfare...
but today is suddenly all that different. Pictures only, for now.

Rough turburlence, and then smooth sailing and clear skies

2006-07-16T22:36:00.000+08:00

You know how in a flight, wind turbulence is always followed by a smooth clear sky? Or in a nasty raging sea storm, there's always a placid tranquility with no waves afterwards?

I've had my worst bout with illness these past 3 days -- flu with probably 42+ degree fever at its peak, not to mention cough and muscle pain. I literally felt I was dying at one point; on wednesday night, my entire body convulsed uncontrollably in bed. This lasted for more than a few minutes, and only stopped when I stood up and wore three layers of socks, pants, and shirts. For most of the time, I felt like a 'hot potato' but couldn't perspire for any logical or earthly reason.

It's over now. And while I wouldn't dwell on how it came to be, I will say this - this 'turbulence' has coincided with a soul-rebirth of sorts. It has not caused it, mind you. It has coincided.

I have taken a look inside my soul, for however brief a moment, and I was not pleased.
Not pleased with what, with who, with how, and with why.

This storm does not take me directly into shore, as in most Hollywood movies. This storm is gone, and tranquility is here. Though I am still at sea, I see land just a ways off.

i know i promised a review post...

2006-06-13T23:55:00.000+08:00

I know i had promised a review post earlier... but i just had thoughts i felt like writing --

*finding myself at the wrong end of the pecking order of life:
- tired and happy
- relaxed and happy
- relaxed and unhappy
- tired and unhappy

*the universe is conspiring to give me a message -- improve your office performance, or die! (now even BusinessWeek is joining the cacyphony of voices...)

*thank goodness for small graces (you know who you are... thank you!)

There. That's it for now.

end of another weekend

2006-06-11T15:48:00.000+08:00

its just a little more than 12 hours, and the weekend time is over...
good things only last for so long i guess, and i can only hope the bad things last even shorter.

now for some world cup commentary:
- Trinidad & Tobago can kick some ass! Woot!!! That was an unexpected draw with Sweden. And the kind of saves that goalkeeper makes for a great game. Ladies and gentlemen, I beleive we have our dark horse for World Cup '06.
- England and Argentina were expected winners. Though Beckham's performance was under par; just 1 goal for the game, and a free kick tipped over by the other team at that.
- I'm just thinking... if I keep this up... I'm gonna end up watching 9pm, 12mn, and 3am matches. crap. that means groggy mornings and unproductiveness. *sigh* I'll have to start being choiceful about the games I watch.

On other more productive notes... I've decided to embark on language learning. You don't know how helpful another language can be someday. First project: Mandarin.

Next Post Preview: A quick review of Studio 60 and the Sunset Strip (an upcoming Fall TV series on NBC, by the renowned Aaron Sorkin).

tough week, world cup weekend, and lazy saturdays

2006-06-10T15:52:00.000+08:00

***yowzer***

it's the end of another tough work week (actually it ended pretty much yesterday... i only just got to post stuff now -- show's how much tough the work has actually been).

without giving too much details... it was more of the same week. got a few stumbling blocks here and there, got a few stuff done. done 5 deliverables, got another 10 more. nothing worth mentioning.

though... the world cup opener was another matter.

***O'le***

damn cool game.
i thought germany would wipe (sweep?) the grass with costa rica... but costa rica put up a good game. though if not for wanchoppe, it might have been a boring game. Lahm's opening goal and the closing free kick from were hairstanding. I do beleive germany has a chance to get very far this year. one can only hope that home country advantage is something significant.

so, 12 hours after the match, here I am writing blog entries... anticipating the next match in another few hours.

i love lazy saturdays.
^_^

12 o'clock habit - part 2

2006-06-06T00:13:00.000+08:00

Here we go again...

terrorist (watching bbc world again...)
ambulances
apple cider
flatmate
my hair
lights on at the aquarium
too much lights turned on
my sim card!
world war II
moving on

hmmm... improving randomness...
but still a long way to go.

12 o'clock habit

2006-06-05T00:15:00.000+08:00

it's 12 midnight. time for the top ten random thoughts of whatever...

terrorism (watching bbc world right now...)
my work -- boatloads to do
peru voting tonight (still bbc world)
water from my aquarium sounds nice
what time to wake up
shoes
starbucks
black samsonite bag
where is she now
its now monday

actually, that wasn't so random.
i gotta work on my randomness next time.

distraction

2006-06-04T23:46:00.000+08:00

studio 60 on the sunset strip -- thank god for people like aaron sorkin who knows what TV should be all about

quite funny this is.

2006-06-04T22:19:00.000+08:00

quite funny this is.

i've been staring at this blank screen for nearly a day... thinking what i ought to write. what's the right thing to say? what's acceptable in a blog? how do i say it? what topic?

then it hit me.
not to be rude, but to use an euphemism -- it's my thoughts. my voice. my blog.

i should write as i please, and write without censor or second thoughts.
and if you expect anything less, then i suggest you move on elsewhere.

2006-06-04T14:53:00.000+08:00

how many miles have gone by in these shoes...