sorry guys. no expounding post tonight.

I had planned to put up a good, lengthy review of 2 new movies I saw -- 'The Reaping', and 'Sunshine'. Unfortunately, the best laid plans are always flawed... and I again underestimated how much work I'm stuck with.

By morning, I have to finalize 'breakthrough' ideas, get a major multi-market analysis done, prepare to defend 3 forecasts, and manage all my adhocs.

Sorry. At least I made 10 minutes to write an apology. :(
Will try better next time.

i feel like this now...

forgive me for my sins

"It's hard to soar like an eagle, when you're among turkeys."
- Fr. Joaquin Bernas, Society of Jesus (Dean, Ateneo Law School, Philippines)

I'm not condoning the friends and colleagues who surround me everyday -- that is hardly the case. It may never be obvious, or show itself plainly, but I love all the people in my life. Sometimes my love can be tough love though; lots of disagreement, miscommunication, the occasional jealousy, and plenty o' plenty of arguing. But that's not why I brought up the quote...

It's hard to aim for my goals, when I always always keep on repeating the bad habits I've grown. I've taken care of so many 'turkeys' now (bad habits), I can hear the *bok*bok*bok* in my ears.

For most of the nearly two years I'm here, I've gained bad eating habits. I've lost touch with dozens of friends, inspite of the geographic barrier. I've unlearned a lot of basic communication and speaking skills that helped me earlier in life. I've watched more TV, and read less literature. I've slept more hours, and feel less energetic throughout the day. I've learned to start my day at 9am, instead of before at 7am. Worst of all -- I've temporarily lost perspective on the goals and life-truths I hold dear.

I know I didn't grow up this way. Before my working life (and hence secure income) came, my life wasn't as physically comfortable (or 'like this'), but in retrospect, it was happier and I was content. Back then I knew how to live without airconditioning even during hot summer months, or how to commute the 'long' way (ala bus+train+'jeep'/'tricycle'). I knew how to be happy with a 3 year old laptop, or 'lutong bahay' (home cooked meals). (On a side note, I grew fat FROM home cooked meals... but that's a different 'sin'). An example beyond materiality, I knew how to laugh at simple things - something we filipinos call 'mababaw ang kaligayahan/tawa' (laughter that is shallow / easily laughs). Point is -- in times when I had limited resources, I knew how to make MOST of what I had in life. And that made me happy.

Thinking just now, I recognize my bad habits fall into one theme -- we choose and we set our own boundaries in life.
Being given financially much in the past 2 years has made me insensitive to how I make most of my life. I lost sense of what 'optimal life' meant, and instead thought it meant living the best life i can afford.

Regardless of anyone's income status, a great life is never about living the life you can afford, but living the person you want to be. We are in control of who we are and want we want our life to be. Our income and status in life are only one of life's 'enablers', and should never be a 'definer.'

Let me begin to relearn the life-truths I've scattered on my way here. Let me begin with this.

Review: The Fountain (Movie, January 2007)

Three stars out of five.

"The Fountain" had potential to be a great movie. Only something got lost somewhere between the screenwriters' imagination and the movie-goers eyes. The movie's theme and message was very good. But the creative execution -- multiple timelines and flashbacks / flashforwards / multiple realities -- only gave rise to confusion. Instead of making a brilliant idea come alive, the movie's choice of storytelling made it much more ambiguous. The directing and acting we're just right, but not at all memorable. Here, the creative execution is again to blame. It forced you to focus more on figuring out what was happening, versus seeing how well the actors did justice to their written characters.

My advice - watch the movie, but lower your expectations. And don't worry if you can't make sense of the ending.
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A brief summary of the movie follows. For those who have been 'spoiled' enough by what I said above, and still want to watch the film, don't read ahead. For everyone else, caveat emptor and read on.

The year is 2000 A.D. - the present. Tommy (Hugh Jackman) plays a medical scientist in search of a cure for brain tumor (a kind the movie does not delight in specifying). He has a personal stake in it, since his wife Izzie (Rachel Weisz) has been diagnosed and will eventually die from said brain tumor in the near future. He discovers a promising cure -- ingredients from some 'tree in South America'. Meanwhile, Izzie's condition worsens, and she is hospitalized. Despite his efforts, Tommy is unable to make a cure from his recent discovery. Beaten, he decides to spend time with Izzie in the hospital. She dies a few hours later, despite Tommy's protests against it. Fate and life chose to take spite on Tommy as well, because then his experiments give him the results he needed to save Izzie. Tormented by the powers that be, he goes back to his experiments. But now his new goal is to find a cure for death.

In her last days, Izzie writes a book -- The Fountain. Set in the time of the Spanish Inquisition, the book is about a conquistador (named Tomas) on a mission from the Queen of Spain (Queen Isabel). The mission: go to South America, among the Mayan country, and find the 'Tree of Life', beleived to give eternal life from drinking its tree sap. Before dying, she leaves Tommy with one last request - to finish writing the last chapter of her book. The book is the second story timeline of the movie.

The third, and most confusing story timeline, takes place in 2500 A.D. and in space. We see the same Tommy as we saw in 2000 A.D., but we are to infer he discovered the secret to eternal life. With him is a dying tree, who I beleive is Izzie (the tree having been planted on top of her grave, and in Mayan beliefs the tree is her re-created life). They journey towards a nebula wrapped around a dying star -- what Mayans beleive to be Shebalba. Shebalba is the underworld where death creates new life. Tommy is hoping to bring the tree and himself to Shebalba, both to be recreated.

As he journeys closer to the tree, he is tormented by Izzie's memory - reminding him to finish the last chapter of her book. He refuses, and clings to his hope of reaching Shebalba before the tree dies. And for the second time, Izzie (in the form of the tree) dies, before they could both reach Shebalba. Tommy's new grief along with Izzie's final request, convinces him to finish the book. He finishes the conquistador's story by letting Tomas find the Tree of Life and letting him drink from its sap. But in doing so, Tomas dies at the foot of the Tree of Life, with a hundred new flowers growing from his body. Tommy then realizes what he must do, as the pursuit of new life only begins with death. Tommy acts to push himself into the dying star, bringing about his own death.

In one final moment to confuse the movie-goer, the movie flashes back to a critical moment in 2000 A.D., when Tommy is about to begin the work that leads to his discovery (of the tree, of eternal life). Only this time instead of beginning his work, he abandons it to spend time with Izzie instead.

---
The idea behind the plot was inspired -- death as the beginning of creation. Not because death opens the door to eternal life (it may very well do, but that is not the point of the movie). But because death creates life. Not continues it (think "Constantine", "Sixth Sense", or "The Five People You Meet in Heaven"). But creates it.

Unfortunately, that message was lost in the movie's desperate attempt to both communicate a complex idea and to do it by using a non-linear timeline. Actually this approach has been done before (think "The Lakehouse"). The error here was in not explaining if and which of the time periods were real or not, and how the 'not so real' ones related to the 'real' ones. We do not know if the 1500 AD story (Tomas and Queen Isabel) were Tommy and Izzie's "previous lives", or were they simply Izzie's work of fiction that coincidentally symbolized what happened both in 2000 AD in their own lives. We are also puzzled in how real the 2500 AD story was -- with Tommy and a tree floating in space. Did he discover the secret to eternal life? If so, how did the tree survive 500 years as well? Did they leave Earth to pursue this nebula? Or did the Earth die, with both of them being the only survivors because of the secret of eternal life? The ending also compounded confusion -- since if he did not pursue his work on discovering the secret to eternal life, then the story taking place in 2500 AD would have been meaningless.

The Fountain aspired to be a movie with a deep meaning in a challenging creative execution. It fell short of its mark, and no points are awarded for simply just trying. Unmanaged complexity was its pitfall. You almost have to be Mayan to understand the better part of it.

What kind of day has it been, part three

Well, it was a bit better today. Got some ground regained, and looks like we're in for a leg and an arm over the next week or so. But nothing we can't overcome. :D

Waiting for midnight to come. For my day of jubilee.

What kind of day has it been, part two

fuck off.

What kind of day has it been

I didn't get shot, okay (for those who understand the reference with the title of the post).

But yeah, I might as well get shot with the day I've had. I didn't even realize lunch went by without me eating. Or that I was running like mad around the office, voice twice as loud. Sounds like my typical day, except for the fact that I'd rate my productivity at an appalling 2.0/10.0 (read: lots of work, hardly any new insights made).

On the other hand, beyond office life seems great. Making good progress on the weight loss. I've begun to make headways into a new book now ('The End of Poverty' - Jeffrey Sachs). I've found more time (which I thought was impossible).

Piece of advice to those who are looking for more time, or who feel they dont use their time as well as they want -- think "FULL ON." Whenever you do something, or give it more than 5 minutes of your time, try to be in a "FULL ON" mode; be engaged and enthusiastic about what you're doing at that point in time. Devote your attention to it 100%. A big reason why we feel we 'waste time' is because we feel we rather want to be doing something else at that point in time. And we concentrate on hating what we're currently doing, that it makes us even feel worse. Well, next time that happens, just do the opposite. Instead of doing that 'thing' half-hearted (yet still doing it), do it FULL ON! You have nothing to lose - you're gonna do it anyway (because it's required for class, or for work, or for family, or etc.), might as well be FULL ON while doing it. It doesn't change the amount of time you do it; but it really changes the way you feel about yourself before, during, and after you do it.

And of course, my special day of jubillee is coming soon.

Another art photo from my amateur photo skills, called:
"Forthcoming"

from an old friend

sa harap ng kamatayan, mapapapili ka maging maka-sarili o manatiling kapwa na sumasa-kapwa. ang mabuti ang siyang gumagabay sa iyong pagiging tunay na tao sa harap ng kamatayan. bagaman may hangganan ang buhay kung papanig ka sa kabutihan, di ka magpapakaabala sa pagsulong ng pansariling kapakanan lamang. ang mabuti ang gagabay sa iyo na hindi sumuko sa siguradong kasukdulan ng buhay. bagkus, patuloy ka pang magsusumikap hanapin ang kahulugan ng buhay. once we become aware of the frailty of human life, we can begin to live life for others sincerely. - KN

order and distractions

I've begun some progress on personal goals, and I am proud of that.
Now, persistence and perseverance start being a factor. We're on my turf; ready for round 2.

I have been watching too much TV. I tried to excuse it before as "background noise" while I work or read, or multitask. But at best it has kept my mood lifted, and at worst took time from making progress on other personal goals. Time to scale back on this habit. It starts to feel like I'm trying to get over an addiction. But if that's the perspective it takes to deal with this... then 'bring it on.'

On the realm of purpose and life-goals, some-sort-of-an event happened. Like a fleeting light in a dark cave, when you think you see a way out, a small shaft of light. No matter how far it is, how high it is. It is light. It merits more thinking, and more reading.

Despite earlier urges to either go to Europe or Japan/Korea, I've decided to stay in singapore during the Chinese New Year. I realized better priorities were elsewhere for the time being.

And a picture from my photos, entitled 'Light of my way':

only so many times i can go on...

Physical burn-out is one thing... mental, emotional, spiritual is another... but the breakdown of willpower - that is a whole new level for me.

Now I understand what people in solitary confinement or solitary exile go through, if only a little. The soul is a delicate thing.

Lord, give me the strength. I do not have it; but I know you will provide it when the time comes.

Photo Excursion - Jan 13

I started one of my new year's reolutions today -- be a little more serious about photography -- with a walking trip from my apartment to the city.

Took some good pictures, and im now keeping them in file for a rainy day.

Here's one I really like; I call it "I saw a sign"

Another long hiatus

Wow. Another long hiatus.

But before someone throws me out for laziness... allow me to saw... it was frikkin' December.
Cmon, at least on December I should be allowed to submit to my whims. Besides, it was too holiday-yee to be blogging.

Oh, but there's a lot to blog about now. A lot has happened...
Among others:
- plans for a Korea / Japan trip in february
- 12 new year resolutions
- new year, old friends
- Christmas family vacation in singapore! pics and more!
- my ticket to Phantom of the Opera
- my MACDOWS!!! (or WININTOSH!) - read: I'm now the proud owner of a Macbook that BOTH runs Mac OS X and WINDOWS.
- Marvel: Civil War series
- New books!
- Expanding my culinary skills -- cooking filipino pansit

Oh oh oh. But I just don't have the time right now. :(
I'll try to post my thoughts in the next few days.

Ciao my friends.
Warm thoughts.
-

One Day More!

Valjean:
Another day, another destiny,
This neverending road to Calvary.
These men who seem to know my crime will surely come a second time.
One day more.

Marius:
I did not live until today.
How can I live when we are parted?

Valjean:
One day more.

Marius and Cosette:
Tomorrow you'll be worlds away.
And yet with you my world has started.

Eponine:
One more day all on my own.

Marius and Cosette:
Will we ever meet again?

Eponine:
One more day with him not caring.

Marius and Cosette:
I was born to be with you.

Eponine:
What a life I might have known.

Marius and Cosette:
And I swear I will be true.

Eponine:
But he never saw me there.

Enjolras:
One more day before the storm!

Marius:
Do I follow where she goes?

Enjolras:
At the barricades of freedom.

Marius:
Shall I join my brothers there?

Enjolras:
When our ranks begin to form,

Marius:
Do I stay, and do I dare?

Enjolras:
Will you take your place with me?

Chorus:
The time is now.
The day is here.

Valjean:
One day more!

Javert:
One more day to revolution
We will nip it in the bud.
I will join these little schoolboys,
They will wet themselves with blood.

Valjean:
One day more!

Thernadiers:
Watch 'em run amuck
Catch 'em as they fall.
Never know your luck when there's a free-for-all.
Here a little dip

There a little touch.
Most of them are gonners so they won't miss much!

Rebel Students:
One day to a new beginning
Raise the flag of freedom high.
Every man will be a king.
Every man will be a king.
There's a new world for the winning.
There's a new world to be won.
Do you hear the people sing?

Marius:
My place is here
I fight with you.

Valjean:
One day more!

Marius and Cosette:
I did not live until today

Eponine:
One more day all on my own.

Javert:
I will learn their little secrets,
I will know the things they know.

Valjean:
One day more!

Thenardiers:
Watch 'em run amuck.
Catch 'em as they fall,
Never know your luck when there's a free-for-all.

Javert:
I will join these little schoolboys

Valjean:
Tomorrow we'll be far away
Tomorrow is the judgment day.

All:
Tomorrow we'll discover
What our God in heaven has in store.
One more dawn.

One more day.
One day more!

and those i miss the most

"Can miles truly separate you from friends.... If you want to be with people you love,
aren't you already there?" ~Richard Bach

not knowing what you have till it's gone

by the way, in case...

i really wanted to say how much i miss my old boss.
he was such a brilliant, and too-often-than-not insightful manager who really knew how to navigate the systems and mazes within the company. someone who had a truly good sense of humour ("what am i doing?... im 'raising' the bar") and a clarity that pierced souls.

we miss you boss.

p.s. thanks for dropping by. ;)

Verdict on the Fall Season 06/07: BRILLIANTO!

The jury is back, and here is my personal verdict, and the network's decisions:

1) STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP (new show!)
- My verdict: Best new concept on the block! MUST WATCH!
- getting better and better. concept still has some oomph, especially now that they're exploring settings outside the studio. like Pahmrump, Nevada. too funny sometimes. still watching until the 'west wing' creator gets 'out of the witness protection program' and fights non-quality TV with classic sorkinese.
- NBC Decision: FULL SEASON 1! Day of Jubilee!



2) BROTHERS & SISTERS (new show!)
- My verdict: Best feely-character development show! MUST WATCH!
- i love it! Calista Flockhart is as good, even better 'Ally McBeal' days. the first family relationship TV show which makes me laugh and sympathize with, without rolling my eyes and saying 'preacy cliche' -- because that's exactly what this show is NOT. I mean cmon -- a family of seven: with 3 GOPs, 4 dems, a gay bro, a senile bro, a cheating dead husband, a living matriarch, a celebrity sis, a junkie war veteran bro, and 15 mil $ embezzled. Imagine you're part of that family; who needs dysfunctional friends? Arrested Devt + 7th heaven!
- ABC Decision: FULL SEASON 1! Day of Jubilee!



3) HEROES! (new show)
- My verdict: Best sci-fi show! MUST WATCH!
- hey, i've got to have my sci-fi / fantasy fix on TV as well right? This show is as good as Lost was when Lost premiered, only that it answered questions faster, and had a cliffhanger for almost each episode. Tim Kring, KUDOS -- you are the NEW JJ Abrams!
- NBC Decision: FULL SEASON 1! Biggest Hit! Day of Jubilee!



4) LOST (returning for Season 3)
- My verdict: Best... long running mystery. WILL STICK FOR THE ANSWERS!
- I'm still watching because the story isn't over. And there are still around 381 mysteries to solve. Though Ben and Locke still impress me with how complex they are. The rest, not so much.
- ABC Decision: FULL SEASON 3! I'm still here!



5) HOUSE! (returning for season 3)
- My verdict: Best show that connects with me. just does. MUST WATCH #1!
- my favorite doctor is back! you have to love the genius, sarcasm, and negative energy Hugh Laurie delivers. If he's your doctor, you can at least be sure of getting healthier. this show appeals to my dark-brooding-introvert-sneering self.
- FOX Decision: FULL SEASON 3! I'm still confined! paging Dr.House!

Back, hopefully for a long time :)

Hey everyone!

i'm back, after a long hiatus.
its been a month since i last posted... but really i don't post often, so what's new.

there have been a couple of times in the past week when i wanted to post something - logging on to blogspot, opening the 'create new post' link. but i never really carried through. either was too tired, too lazy, or too... well, too empty.

but well, that water shed broke now, and i'm back. :)

so all, i say... "the opposite of C'est la vie!"

initial thoughts on new Fall season shows

My verdict after about 2 to 3 weeks of the new Fall Season

1) Heroes - top of my list. awesome story arc. great concept. brilliant execution. the perfect show this season.
2) House - the new 'West Wing' is here, except that it stars a sarcastic, damaged, brilliant doctor. why conform with reality when you can be like House?
3) Lost - still a compelling watch, if only to gather the rest of the puzzle pieces. character stories still have oomph.
4) Studio 60 - good, but displays highest gap (down) vs. expectations. but when you tout a new show to be the best thing man has created since sliced bread... you are sure to disappoint for a while.
5) Brothers & Sisters - character compelling from the get-go. will follow if only for Calista Flockhart. and "Mr.Sloane" :D

No verdict out yet:
- Six Degrees
- The Class

i love subways

I'm not calling attention to a newly-found love for healthy sandwiches (though its not such a bad idea).



Subways just feel so alive and dynamic. Every person has a story. Each conversation has character. Each laugh is intended for a particular joke. Individuality is lost, yet there is no collective to speak off - people who ride a subway are no 'more connected' than people who live in different cities. But for the short 10 minute ride, ones eyes are visually assaulted by a rich density of individuals... individual stories, individual characters, individual smiles, individual solitude. And when its right before your eyes, you can't help but feel how much the world doesnt revolve around you and yet feel that the only world that matters, actually does.

The world comes alive in a subway.

conscious little steps

#1. Raise the reading rate up to 1 full book a week. Must read a book every night.
#2. Lower the TV series I would religiously follow to 5 only - Heroes, Studio 60, House, Lost, and ST Voyager.

the sins of rip van winkle

it's been well over a year and all i can say is... it felt like a whole year of procrastination.

i stepped out of the university with gusto and readiness to take on the world. we'll change the world.
we'll make a transforming difference. magis to the max.

one year on, and i've wasted a year. weekends given to sleeping and idling away. from one random obsession - say DVD box sets - to the next - another DVD box set, or some new thing for the apartment. weekdays spent toiling over work. late evenings watching more and more TV, downloading more and more shows.

tv shows i've watched obsessively just last year - West Wing (all 7 seasons... twice), Stargate (8 seasons), Lost (all 2 seasons), Alias (2 seasons), Monk (2 seasons), Numb3rs (all 2 seasons), House M.D. (all 2 seasons), Battlestar Galactica (1 season). Not to mention occassional trips to the moviehouse and scheduling weekends around the HBO and Cinemax schedule. All told, 1000+ hours spent in front of a screen with moving things inside. 40 full days, give or take. And the number of non-work related books i've read in full? FOUR! Einstein's Dreams, the entire set of Series of Unfortunate Events, 4 Poirot novels, and the Ultimate Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy. Pathetic. My college-me would whoop and kick my ass in less than a minute if he heard.

not to mention the weight i've put on. (In the interest of saving myself from embarassment, we shall spare the details).

the number of promises I made to myself that have been broken are ridiculously long.
and the reasons I give myself is embarassingly unexcusable.

people have gotten engaged. people have died. people have come. people have left. people have risen to awesome personal achievement. people have failed. people have succeded. and yet here I am, more than a year before, much the same.

it is as alan lightman put it... time is fixated with motion. the more we stand stil, the more others who are passengers of time hastily move in the background of our vision.

the unexamined life truly is not worth living. let it be examined then, from hereon end.