Strange night indeed...

It is easy, so easy, to fall into 'bad' things.

I do injustice to the statement by describing it with a mono-syllabic, 3-letter word, but I find no other way of saying it without giving away my personal barometer of ethics or morals. The statement is not about MY yardstick of values. It is a statement about ANY and ALL yardsticks -- that more often than not, it is easier to find ourselves at the "negative" end of the stick versus the "better" end.

Perhaps this truth is why some believe the world to be a cold, dreary place. Something to avoid, to hide from, to dissociate. Perhaps also why pessimism and deep-seated sarcasm are in vogue. Also, possibly causing our natural discomfort at giddiyingly positive messages from TV/Movies/Conversations/Books/SMS Messages/Etc. We've all heard things we find "sickeningly corny" -- with our brains screaming 'nothing can be THAT picture-perfect.'

Some philosophers (read: people who have WAY more time than I do) have even found this observation as basis for arguing that man is "naturally evil." They argue that whatever the circumstance, everyone's default setting is on "bad" vs. "good."

All my life I've always believed this to be true -- that falling into 'bad' comes off easily. But this only strengthened my appreciation for most things 'hard' and 'difficult.' Having grown up with Catholic Faith, I sought to be a 'good' person, and this I associated with working hard.

But when I lost my faith almost 4 or 5 years ago, casting it away for reasons I cannot remember, I didn't realize I had cast away this fundamental truth. For almost five years, I had not only lost a meaningful relationship with God, but I had lost my love for all things difficult and challenging. Where before I searched for tests of fire, I had now sought a more lukewarm feeling.

In hindsight, this may have been the single most regretted choice in my life. I began to chose the easier path, not to mention an infesting envy of all those who could overcome anything hard or difficult in life. This choice had brought on much pain, suffering, and sorrow -- many I've just unearthed and I expect many more I will discover in the months of introspection to come.

But having recently renewed my faith in my God, I am starting to re-appreciate what is hard. But falling in love takes time - whether it be with a person, or to a fundamental belief in life. This will take time, I know. But it is a love that is worth it.

Like someone said with fewer words than I just did -- 'what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.'

Tribute: Madeleine L'Engle

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Madeleine L’Engle, who in writing more than 60 books, including childhood fables, religious meditations and science fiction, weaved emotional tapestries transcending genre and generation, died Thursday in Connecticut. She was 88. (New York Times)
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To be honest, she was not one of the authors I came upon discovering myself. Not like Tolkien, Rothfuss, Rowling, or Handler -- authors of series I love to read (LOTR, NOTW, HP, ASOUE) -- L'Engle's books did not jump at me from a bookshelf. A friend of mine in college lent me a tattered copy of "A Wrinkle in Time." And its to her I owe knowing such an author and her works.

Madeleine L'Engle's world was more mature, more lively, more daring than any I had read back then. Sure it was easy to get lost in Gandalf and in Frodo, and in the quest to destroy the one ring. But that was a genre of mystical creatures and of impossible, improbable quests against monsters and villains. Tolkien's world was so vividly colorful and exciting that making it into an Oscar-winning film trilogy was apparent. But L'Engle dealt with the same concepts much much more daringly. Keeping to human heroes and heroines, she boldly told a story that was deep and meaningful -- weaving concepts behind conformity, about understanding, behind the idea of 'deity', behind love, about seeking, behind being different, and being unique. She was smart, much like her heroes and heroines - writing children's books, but challenging the idea that what children read should be a lesser form from what adults can.

And considering she wrote this book in 1963 (i only knew when I research her biography ten minutes ago), it is all the more outstanding. A strong female heroine, an ability to weave advanced science into a morally-grounded children's story, and enduring themes; she was a writer decades ahead of her time.

Her recent picture seen here -- speaks to me how happy and content she was. I would consider my life blessed, filled, and overflowing if I could just be as half as happy as she is in this picture.

A few words from "A Wrinkle in Time" - one of her first, and most acclaimed books - will remain in my heart for as long as I can read, write, and understand them:
"Like and equal are not the same thing at all!" - Madeleine L'Engle, A Wrinkle in Time

rest in peace, Ms. L'Engle.